while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
