I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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