I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
