We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
