Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
