Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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