Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
