you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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