So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
