sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
