Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
