cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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