Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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