Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
