She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
