I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
