does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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