so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
