So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
