My room smells like vodka and shame
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
