Fuck appropriateness.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
