I think my vagina is haunted
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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