Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
