cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
