You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
