Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
