By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
