I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
