I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
