so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
