I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
