I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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