I heard we made out
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
