a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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