you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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