Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
