Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My pussy is not your playground.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
