I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
