i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
