Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
