I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sorry my hands just texted you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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