It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
