He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
