You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
