he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
