That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
