got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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