she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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