I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
