Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
