My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
