dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
