Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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