That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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