The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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