Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
