You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
