made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
